To forgive or not forgive

One of the choices we have in life is to forgive or not forgive. It is essential for our own emotional well-being to understand that it is a choice- a choice with consequences.

Consider this – if the harm we have experienced leads us to a life controlled by unresolved anger, a negative image of ourselves, and an inability to trust, are we not allowing the wrongdoer to continue to have power over us? When we have sleepless nights tossing and turning and reprocessing thoughts about old sufferings, when we fume with anger, when we ask questions repeatedly that seem to have no answers, we continue to suffer the consequences of being scarred. Perhaps our goal should be to find a way to free ourselves from the damage and to regain our lives for ourselves.

Strong people who forgive do so because:

  1. They feel secure: An insecure person cannot forgive. Unless you are a confident and secure person, you will find it difficult to forgive someone. You have to put up with the fact that the individual does not have the power over you to keep you anxious forever.
  2. They want to be able to focus on the things that matter: You cannot focus your mind on anything else when you are carrying the anger of hurt and wanting revenge from someone. If you have other important things in life to concentrate on, it is best for you to forgive the person and shift your focus to things that are more meaningful for you. If you give the person that power over you to keep you from essential things in life, you will not be living your life to your true and full potential.
  3. It makes them a better person: Forgiving makes you not just a more resilient person but a better person at heart. You feel lighter as if a burden has been lifted. Your mind gets to have its much needed peace and this brings positive things into your life. Dwelling on negative thoughts of retribution and conflict brings negative vibes in life which doesn’t enrich your life in any way. So do not fall to the same standards as the person who hurt, rather rise above it. This takes strength.

Remember we can only control our reactions and how we let a situation affect us, we cannot control the behaviours of others. Do what you can! Remember ‘An eye for eye, makes the whole world blind’ – it cannot create positive change. Forgiving and moving on can.